Sunday, January 27, 2013 - Posted by Lauren at 1:02 PM
Yesterday, as our night was winding down, we were sitting in the office. I was trying to help Jonathan write up some copy for his website. He was leaning backwards in his ugly-but-serviceable office chair. (I plan to spray paint and attempt to reupholster it soon.)

I was sitting across from him in the plushy chair and had somehow tucked my foot up under the seat of his chair. Deep in thought about the website, I didn't realize what a HORRIBLE DECISION THAT WAS. 

But it immediately became clear when Jonathan leaned forward and crunched my little piggies between the bottom of the seat and the base of the chair. At first I was just "Oww, oww"ing and laughing and trying to catch my breath and convince him it wasn't his fault! It felt like slamming your fingers in the sliding door of a minivan (now how would I know that?), so I was just waiting for the pain to stop making my tummy flip. But it was taking longer than normal. 

Jonathan was adorable and was trying to figure out what he could do to help. We decided that an ice pack might be nice. As he went to go get it, I finally had the courage to remove my other foot that was applying pressure in order to survey the damage. I wish I had looked sooner.

Because the floor looked like a slasher movie. 

I yelled to the other room, "Oh no! Honey, I'm bleeding. A LOT. Ack! There's blood everywhere! Ahh!!! The carpet! Bring me a towel, please. And a Band-Aid, or no, wait, the first aid kit with the gauze and tape. And we need to google how to get fresh blood out of carpet." Meanwhile, I sacrificed a nearby pair of jeans to stem the flow.

I hobbled to the bathroom and started trying to wipe the black grease from the chair out of my wound while my darling husband brought all the supplies I requested. Google told us to put household ammonia on the carpet, but we didn't have any. Fortunately, I'd recently picked up some hydrogen peroxide in case of a situation like this. It worked wonders on the blood! Then we used Dawn soap to get the black grease out of the carpet. Yay!Everything looks good as new.

Except for my foot.